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I arrived half-an-hour early for my appointment and was promptly given an electrocardiogram by an efficient nurse. I had barely gotten back to the waiting room, when a tall, silver-haired, smiling man walked up to me, stuck out his hand and said, “Hi. I’m Mel.”
OMIGOD―Mel? Not “Doctor Scheinman?” He didn’t send a nurse for me, but came out himself. I would do anything he suggested, as he conveyed instant credibility. Little things mean a lot.
Mel sat down with the 4-page information sheet I had brought and the 36 pages of data sent him by my cardiologist. Using these as a guide, he asked questions for over an hour. I don’t recall ever having been in the presence of a doctor for that long. I asked a couple of times what he thought, and he replied that he thought nothing, yet. We’d talk about options when he’d digested the information. He would not be rushed through the diagnosis to get to a solution that he probably had already formed in his mind. Every salesperson can learn from this. Little things mean a lot.
After he had thoroughly examined the problem, he took a little plastic heart in his hands and began to show me how it worked. It had little pipes and hinged doors and pop-out panels. He got me totally involved in his presentation. He showed me that atrial fibrillation is just rogue electrical impulses causing the heart to beat rapidly and irregularly. It was actually working against itself. No Power Point for Mel Sheinman.
He showed me what a pacemaker would do and why it was not optimal for my condition. He then showed me atrial ablation. They would insert three catheters into my heart, two through my groin and one down from my neck. When all three instruments were in my left atrium, they would poke a hole through the septum (little wall) that separates the atria and go into my right atrium. Once there, they would use a high frequency radio wave device to ablate (burn) the inside of my heart around the veins that come in from my lungs. This would ostensibly eliminate the rogue signals and restore my heart to regular sinus rhythm in the fullness of time.
I said I wanted one. But no, he began his recitation of horrors. He told me about strokes, clots, hemorrhages and the possibility of burning through the wall of my heart with the radio needle. He told me the odds of success were about 80-85%. I suppose this is called the retention of a positive mental attitude through the assumption of a negative result. I allowed as to how I thought I’d get one anyhow and asked how soon he could do it. He introduced me to Marilynn Wong and told me she’d do all the scheduling from this point on. “Oh, and by the way, I won’t actually be doing the surgery,” Mel said. “I leave that to younger, stronger men. I’ll have you meet Nitish Badhwar later this afternoon.” Damn, I’d been TO’d before I knew what was happening to me.
Before he left the room, he took my hand, looked directly into my eyes and said, “We invented this procedure, we do an awful lot of them and we’re very good at it. We’re going to make you feel a whole lot better.” Had there been any question before, it was all erased now. How many more sales we all could make by just telling every customer, “I’m awfully good at my business and I’m going to solve your problem.”
The second sale was my new Internet Service Provider (ISP). I have been with SBC since they were Pacific Bell and have watched their service deteriorate with each passing year. A friend said he was having good luck with Speakeasy.net, a startup in Seattle. I sent an e-mail to their sales department and just put “I’m a prospect” in the body. Within an hour, David Halley had called me back to tell me how wonderful his service was.
I hadn’t really expected a return call, particularly not so quickly nor so enthusiastically. I asked him if they supported GoldMine. “Support it,” he said, “we use it.” He asked me to try the service free for 60 days and if I wasn’t happy I could just stay with SBC. SOLD.
No magic here, folks. Little things mean a lot.
I immediately encountered the sort of problems one has when one starts messing with their computer. I couldn’t get on the Internet no matter how hard I tried. I called tech support and was greeted by a friendly soul named Stan. He soon had me running back and forth between my office and the next room, where the router and modem live. I asked if I could call him back from my cell phone, to keep from running to my phone. He volunteered to call me back on my cell. Now I’ve seen this pulled before. They get off the line and you never hear from them again. HE CALLED BACK and solved the problems. Before we parted company, he gave me his extension number and e-mail address and invited me to call whenever I had a problem. Now customer service like that just doesn’t happen, but it does at Speakeasy. I’m a very sold new customer. Little things mean a lot.
The most destructive habit ―Worry
The greatest joy ―Giving
The greatest loss―Loss of self-respect
The most satisfying work―Helping others
The ugliest personality trait―Selfishness
The most endangered species―Dedicated leaders
Our greatest natural resource―Our youth
The greatest “shot in the arm”―Encouragement
The greatest problem to overcome―Fear
The most effective sleeping pill―Peace of mind
The most crippling failure disease―Excuses
The most powerful force in life―Love
The most dangerous pariah―A gossiper
The world's most incredible computer―The brain
The worst thing to be without―Hope
The deadliest weapon―The tongue
The two most power-filled words―”I Can”
The greatest asset―Faith
The most worthless emotion―Self-pity
The most beautiful attire―SMILE!
The most prized possession―Integrity
The most powerful channel of communication―Prayer
The most contagious spirit―Enthusiasm
―barbara
For you lovers of good writing, these are the 10 winners of this year's Bulwer-Lytton contest ―AKA Dark and Stormy Night Contest― (run by the English Dept. of San Jose State University), wherein one writes only the first line of a bad novel.
10) “As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the echo chamber, he would never hear the end of it.”
9) “Just beyond the Narrows, the river widens.”
8) “With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned, unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description.”
7) “Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the East wall: 'Andre creep... Andre creep... Andre creep.'“
6) “Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism, was about to give his body and soul to a back alley sex-change surgeon to become the woman he loved.”
5) “Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her from eeking out a living at a local pet store.”
4) “Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins often do.”
3) “Like an over-ripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor.”
2) “Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the meaning of the word 'fear'; a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death -- in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies.”
AND THE WINNER IS.....
1) “The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the
greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window,
revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in
frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving
the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly, 'You lied
―Geoff Frisch, Frisch Ideas,Atlanta, GA
Iyes"> am passing this along to you because it has definitely worked for me........and as we near the close of another summer we find a bit of calm is welcome. By following the simple advice I recently read in a “Psychology Today” article, I have finally found “inner peace”....however temporary.
The article read: “The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've started. “So I looked around the house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before leaving the house this morning I finished off a bottle of red wine, a bottle of white wine, the Bailey's, Kahlua, and Wild Turkey, the Prozac, some Valium, some cheesecake and a box of chocolates. You have no idea how freakin good I feel. You must pass this on to those you feel are in need of “Inner Peace.”
―Jerry Moffitt, Office Master, Omaha, NE
Eye halve a spelling chequer. It came with my pea sea. It plainly marques four my revue miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word and weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write. It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid, it nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite. Its rarely ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it, I am shore your pleased two
no.
Its letter perfect in it's weigh. My chequer tolled me sew.
―Sauce Unknown
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, “Does the sun rise in the north?” When another person jumped in and explained that the sun rises in the east (and has for some time), she shook her head and said, “Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff.”
And then she voted.
I used to work in technical support for a 24x7 call center. One day I got a call from an Induhvidual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, “The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.” He responded, “Is that Eastern or Pacific time?” Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, “Uh... Pacific.”
And then he voted.
So my colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria when we overheard one of the admin assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but “didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving.”
And then she voted.
I was in a high school advanced physics class and the teacher was talking about a new military weapon that uses sonic waves on the battlefield to burst enemy soldiers' chests. One Induhvidual in the class spoke up and said, “Well that's stupid! Why don't they just wear headphones?”
And a few years later, he voted.
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car. It's designed to cut through a seatbelt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the passenger side door's map pocket.
And then she voted.
My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought two cases. The cashier multiplied two times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.
And then they all voted.
I was hanging out with a conservative friend of mine when we saw a woman walk by us with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, “Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?” I had to explain to her that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned.
And then she voted.
My girlfriend and I were picking up some sandwiches from the sub place last week and she asked the clerk which one of two sandwiches was better. The clerk didn't have an opinion but did say that the first sandwich was more expensive. My girlfriend got a quizzical look on her face and asked, “If that's the case, why are they both listed with the same price on the menu?” To this, the clerk responded, “I don't think they tax the turkey.”
And then he voted.
I was at a convenience store buying a 99-cent “Behemoth Gulp” or some such thing. The cost with tax was $1.02. I only had a $5 bill. The clerk asked if I had two pennies. I said I didn't. She said, “We'll take a couple from here,” and got two pennies out of her penny cup at the register. She handed me back my change: $4 in bills...and the two pennies.
And then she voted.
My wife and I were trying to find a carry-on suitcase in one of those huge discount stores and had become hopelessly lost. We stopped and asked a department manager where we might find suitcases. “Did you try in Luggage?” she asked, and returned to what she was doing.
And then she voted.
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because they were trained professionals and I was in good hands. “Now,” she asked me, “has your plane arrived yet?”
And then she voted.
After a meal at a nice restaurant, an Induhvidual, rubbing his stomach, said, “I don't know about you guys but I'm flabbergasted.”
And then he voted.
My wife was shopping at a discount store and saw a pair of sunglasses marked at $0.00. She noted that it was missing one screw for the earpiece, but figured she could fix it. When she went to “buy” the free glasses the cashier looked very confused and called over a manager. After much “Induhvidual-speak” between them, they concluded that they couldn't sell my wife the glasses and had to throw them away.
My wife tried to ask why they wouldn't just give her the glasses if they were going to throw them away anyway, but the cashier wouldn't budge and threw them into the garbage right in front of my wife.
And then he voted.
If I could, I'd enlist today and help my country track down those responsible for killing thousands of innocent people in New York City and Washington DC. But, I'm over 50 now and the Armed Forces say I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 35 to join the military.
They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join until you're at least 35.
For starters: Researchers say 18-year- olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain them into submission.
“My back hurts!” “I'm hungry!” “Where's the remote control?”
An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war until you're at least old enough to legally drink. An average old guy, on the other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer by the time he's 35 and a jaunt through the desert heat with a backpack and M-60 would do wonders for the old beer belly.
An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys get up early every morning to pee.
If old guys are captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd probably forget where we put them.
In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.
Boot camp would actually be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we actually like soft food.
We've also developed a deep appreciation for guns and rifles. We like them almost better than naps.
They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and I didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training. I can hear the Drill Sergeant now, “Get down and give me...er...one.”
And the running part is kind of a waste of energy. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.
An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to actually carry on a conversation, and to wear pants without top of his butt crack showing and his boxer shorts sticking out. He's still hasn't figured out that a pierced tongue catches food particles, and that a 400-watt speaker in the back seat of a Honda Accord can rupture an eardrum.
All great reasons to keep our sons at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off to possible death.
Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked our hearts on September 11. The last thing the enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million old farts with attitudes.
―Allan B. Pintner, Millenia Housing Management, Ltd., Valley View, OH
The holidays always provide a challenge to we salesfolk. We are supposed to be creative enough to please our customers, employees and family and yet do that without breaking the bank. One really good idea is this Trailblazer Excursion Kit from Leeds.
This is a great offering for the adventurous, or those who would like to LOOK adventurous.
• Four piece set includes velcro case with shoulder strap, carabiner compass, binoculars and mess utensil
• Roomy case will hold small accessories in addition to set contents
• Mess utensil includes many features, including spoon, knife, fork and corkscrew
•Magnification of binoculars is 5x30.
These can be had for only $21.80 in lots as few as 24. This is one terrific deal. Call me.
“The advantage of a bad memory is that, several times over, one enjoys the same things for the
first time.”
―Friedrich Nietzsche
“People everywhere enjoy believing things that they know are
not true. It spares them the ordeal of thinking for themselves and taking
responsibility for what they know.”
―Brooks Atkinson
“A nation that forgets its past can function no better than an individual with amnesia.”
―David McCullough
These three sent in by Allan B. Pintner, Millenia Housing Management, Valley
View, OH
“Contradiction is not a sign of falsity, nor the lack of contradiction a sign of truth.” ―Blaise Pascal
“We hate some persons because we do not know them; and we will not know them because we hate them.” ―Charles Caleb Colton
“The body of man is a machine which winds its own springs.”
―De La Mettrie
“Man really knows nothing save what he has learned by his own experience.”
―Christoph M. Wieland
“Bureaucracy is the death of any achievement.”
―Albert Einstein
“Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.”
―James Bovard
“I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. I love to keep it by me: The
idea of getting rid of it nearly breaks my heart.”
―Jerome K. Jerome
“Of the delights of this world, man cares
most for sexual intercourse, yet he has left it out of his heaven.”
―Mark Twain
“Who supplies another with a constructive thought has enriched him forever.”
―Alfred A. Montapert
“To knock a thing down, especially if it is cocked at an arrogant angle, is a deep delight to the
blood.”
―George Santayana
“I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the
description in the catalogue: 'no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.'“
―Eleanor Roosevelt
“The whole art of teaching is only the art of awakening the natural curiosity of young minds.”
―Anatole France
“The true picture of the past flits by. The past can be seized only as an image which flashes up at
the instant when it can be recognized and is never seen again.”
― Walter Benjamin
“Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living.”
―Jean Kerr
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