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The inanity is still there, as is the brilliance and education, but it’s getting a little harder to find among all the hucksters, charlatans and outright con artists peddling their wares.
“Visit my blog.” “Lose 50 pounds in 30 days.” “Earn $375,000 a month.” (No Bull, I actually saw this one.) "Earn thousands from home, in your spare time without selling or working.”
It’s getting a little like walking down a dirty street, totally surrounded by garish signs and pitchmen screaming at you.
It seems to me that many of us will get tired of strolling through all this crud and corruption and will simply stop visiting Twitter altogether. As ever increasing numbers of people feel this way, the growth must slow, stop and reverse.
Until that happens, however, it’s a rocket ride. I just went past 2,700 followers. Where else can you send whatever message you want to 2,700 people at NO COST WHATEVER?
If you do decide to tweet, just ignore the hucksters. They only prey on the stupid who actually believe they can get something for nothing. Focus instead on learning from the amazing diversity of minds and providing whatever value you can within the 140 character limit.
We may as well take advantage of this wonderful tool before it collapses under its own weight. As long as you don’t put any money into it, what have you to lose?
Once upon a time there was a girl who had four partners
She loved the fourth partner the most and adorned him with rich robes and treated him to the finest of delicacies. She gave him nothing but the best. She also loved the third partner very much and was always showing him off to neighboring kingdoms. However, she feared that one day he would leave her for another.
She also loved her second partner. He was her confidant and was always kind, considerate and patient with her. Whenever this girl faced a problem, she could confide in him, and he would help her get through the difficult times.
The girl's first partner was a very loyal partner and had made great contributions in maintaining her wealth and kingdom. However, she did not love the first partner. Although he loved her deeply, she hardly took notice of him.
One day, the girl fell ill and she knew her time was short. She thought of her luxurious life and wondered, 'I now have four partners with me, but when I die, will I be all alone?'
Thus, she asked the fourth partner, 'I loved you the most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?’
‘No way.’ replied the fourth partner, and he walked away without another word.
His answer cut like a sharp knife right into her heart.
The sad girl then asked the third partner, 'I loved you all my life. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?'
'No!’ replied the third partner. 'Life is too good. When you die, I'm going to marry someone else.'
Her heart sank and turned cold
She then asked the second partner 'I have always turned to you for help and you've always been there for me. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?'
‘'I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time.’ replied the second partner. 'At the very most, I can only walk with you to your grave.'
His answer struck her like a bolt of lightning, and the girl was devastated.
Then a voice called out: 'I'll go with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go.' The girl looked up, and there was her first partner. He was very skinny as he suffered from malnutrition and neglect.
Greatly grieved, the girl said, 'I should have taken much better care of you when I had the chance.'
In truth, you have four partners in your life:
Your fourth partner is your body. No matter how much time and effort you lavish in making it look good, it will leave you when you die.
Your third partner is your possessions, status and wealth. When you die, it will all go to others.
Your second partner is your family and friends. No matter how much they have been there for you, the furthest they can stay by you is up to the grave.
And your first partner is your soul. Often neglected in pursuit of wealth, power and pleasures of the world. However, your soul is the only thing that will follow you wherever you go. Cultivate, strengthen and cherish it now, for it is the only part of you that will follow you to the throne of God and continue with you throughout Eternity. In essence, it's the REAL you.
—barbara
Artery- The study of
paintings
Bacteria- Back door to
cafeteria
Barium- What doctors do
when patients die
Benign- What you be, after
you be eight
Caesarean Section- A
neighborhood in
Cat scan- Searching for
Kitty
Cauterize- Made eye
contact with her
Colic- A sheep dog
Coma- A punctuation mark
Dilate- To live long
Enema- Not a friend
Fester- Quicker than
someone else
Fibula- A small lie
Impotent- Distinguished,
well known
Labor Pain- Getting hurt
at work
Medical Staff- A Doctor's
cane
Morbid- A higher offer
Nitrates- Cheaper than day
rates
Node- I knew it
Outpatient- A person who
has fainted
Pelvis- Second cousin to
Elvis
Post Operative- A letter
carrier
Rectum- Nearly killed him
Secretion- Hiding
something
Seizure- Roman emperor
Tablet- A small table
Terminal Illness- Getting
sick at the airport
Tumor- One plus one more
Urine- Opposite of you're out
—barbara
1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
4. A dog's parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.
7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, 'If I died, would you get another dog?'
10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.
13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck. And last, but not least:
14. If your dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff
—Geoff Frisch, Frisch Ideas, Atlanta, GA
A man sat at a metro station in
Three minutes went by and a middle aged man noticed there was musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried up to meet his schedule.
A minute later, the violinist received his first dollar tip: a woman threw the money in the till and without stopping continued to walk.
A few minutes later, someone leaned against the wall to listen to him, but the man looked at his watch and started to walk again. Clearly he was late for work.
The one who paid the most attention was a 3 year old boy. His mother tugged him along, hurried but the kid stopped to look at the violinist. Finally the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. All the parents, without exception, forced them to move on.
In the 45 minutes the musician played, of the thousands that passed by, only 6 people stopped and stayed for a while. About 20 gave him money but continued to walk their normal pace. He collected $32. When he finished playing and silence took over, no one noticed it. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.
No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the best violinists in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written for a violin which was worth 3.5 million dollars.
Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua Bell sold
out at a theater in
This is a real story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the
metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of an social
experiment about perception, taste and priorities of people. The outlines were:
in a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour: Do we perceive beauty?
Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we
recognize artistic talent in an unexpected context?
An interesting question drawn from this experience: If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world playing the best music ever written, how many other things are we missing?
—Patrick McVay, Elite Investments, Huntington Beach, CA
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
_________________
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
_____________________
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
________________________
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
_________________
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try
to understand her at all.
__________________________
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
__________________________
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
__________________________
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling
me, 'You're next.' They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at
funerals.
—Gordon Livingston, Livingston Realty, Huntington Beach, CA
From a teacher in the
The most eye-opening civics lesson I ever had was while teaching third grade this year. The presidential election was heating up and some of the children showed an interest. I decided we would have an election for a class president.
We would choose our nominees. They would make a campaign speech and the class would vote.
To simplify the process, candidates were nominated by other class members. We discussed what kinds of characteristics these students should have. We got many nominations and from those, Jamie and Olivia were picked to run for the top spot.
The class had done a great job in their selections. Both candidates were good kids. I thought Jamie might have an advantage because he got lots of parental support. I had never seen Olivia's mother.
The day arrived when they were to make their speeches Jamie went first. He had specific ideas about how to make our class a better place. He ended by promising to do his very best. Every one applauded. He sat down and Olivia came to the podium.
Her speech was concise. She said, “If you will vote for me, I will give you ice cream.” She sat down. The class went wild. “Yes! Yes! We want ice cream.”
She surely would say more. She did not have to. A discussion followed. How did she plan to pay for the ice cream? She wasn't sure. Would her parents buy it or would the class pay for it? She didn't know. The class really didn't care. All they were thinking about was ice cream.
Jamie was forgotten. Olivia won by a land slide.
Every time Barack Obama opened his mouth he offered ice cream and fifty-two percent of the people reacted like nine year olds. They want ice cream. The other forty-eight percent know they're going to have to feed the cow and clean up the crap.
—Allan Pintner, Valley View, OH
Men are like Placemats. They only show up when there's food on the table.
Men are like Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Men are like Bike helmets. Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly.
Men are like Government bonds. They take so long to mature.
Men are like Parking spots. The good ones are taken, and the rest are too small.
Men are like Copiers. You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.
Men are like Lava lamps. Fun to look at, but not all that bright.
Men are like Bank accounts. Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.
Men are like High heels. They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
Men are like Curling irons. They're always hot, and they're always in your hair.
Men are like Mini skirts. If you're not careful, they'll creep up your legs.
Men are like Bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are.
A large financial institution distributed pizza cutters to all their share holders with the message “Do you want a large piece of the pie?” Go to the website for more information. There was a short survey after which there were sent a pie chart on investments and how to achieve a greater portion if that pie. The package contained a letter from a financial advisor with his email address to set up an appointment to learn more about getting a bigger piece of the pie and it also included a coupon for free pizza. They sent out 25,000 pizza cutters and the first week, they had 10,000 hits on their website and 67% of those filled out the form. Ultimately, they were able to set up approximately 4,500 appointments around the country. It was a great success and they plan to do a follow up to acquire new clients.
You can get these sturdy pizza cutters for only $2.59 a copy. If you want to buy scads of them, the price drops to $1.59.
Let’s face it. We can’t hide behind the recession any more,
as it’s almost over.
“It is not genius,
nor glory, nor love that reflects the greatness of the human soul; it is
kindness.”
—Jean-Baptiste Lacordaire
“For a list of all
the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press
three.”
—Alice Kahn
“Nothing changes
your opinion of a friend so surely as success—yours or
his.”
—Franklin P. Jones
“I know some people
say “Keep your eyes on the prize,” but I disagree. When your eyes are stuck on
the prize, you're going to keep stumbling and crashing into things. If you
really want to get ahead, you've got to keep your eyes focused on the path.”
—Russell Simmons
“Experience is the
name everyone gives to their mistakes.”
—Oscar Wilde
“Three may keep a
secret if two of them are dead.”
—Benjamin Franklin
“He was a bold man
who first ate an oyster.”
—Jonathan Swift
“As sacred as truth
is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.”
—Josh Billings
“Politics is perhaps
the only profession for which no preparation is thought necessary.”
—Robert Louis Stevenson
“Thoroughly to teach
another is the best way to learn for yourself.”
—Tryon Adams
“Never put off until
tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.”
—Mark Twain
“It is difficult to
live in the present, ridiculous to live in the future and impossible to live in
the past. Nothing is as far away as one minute ago.” —Jim Bishop
“Any fool can make a
rule and any fool will mind it.”
—Henry David Thoreau
“Prediction is very
difficult, especially about the future.”
—Niels Bohr
“Take the attitude
of a student, never be too big to ask questions, never
know too much to learn something new.”
—Og Mandino
“Shared joys are
doubled; shared sorrows are halved.”
—Francis Bacon
“All truth passes
through three stages: First, it is ridiculed; Second, it is violently opposed;
Third, it is accepted as self-evident.”
—Arthur Schopenhauer
“Personally I'm always ready to learn, although I do not
always like being taught.” —Sir Winston
Churchill
“I love quotations because it is a joy to find thoughts one
might have, beautifully expressed with much authority by someone recognized
wiser than oneself.”
—Marlene Dietrich
“Kindness is the language the blind can see and the deaf can
hear.” - Mark Twain
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