I have recently been exposed to two methods to create an attitude of gratitude. A disclaimer: These sound sort of corny on the face of them, but I have actually found them moderately effective. I urge you not to condemn them until you at least give them a whirl.

The first is to make a “Thankful List.” Simply write down every day at least five things for which you are grateful. I’ve been putting them in a little loose-leaf book that I can take a quick look at when I’m feeling crapped out and abused.

The second is to take a few minutes every day to meditate. I’ve had trouble meditating all my life. Those folks want you to sit cross legged and that causes me to tip over like a shmoo.

Meditating doesn’t have to be that way. You can just sit in a chair, or even lie down. I find meditating helps me get to sleep quickly.

Jennifer Prugh is one of my yoga coaches. She suggests that we say “thank you” to ourselves every time we exhale while meditating. This will cause one of three things to happen:

1. Something for which to be thankful will pop into our mind. That makes us feel good.

2. Something that really pisses us off will pop into our minds. We should try really hard to ignore it until the next “thank you” exhale occurs. Helps us minimize the negatives that naturally occur.

3. Something totally irrelevant will pop into our minds. This happens to me most often. When this happens we try to ignore it and focus on the next “thank you” exhale.

Now, is all this easy? Hell, no. My mind wanders like a little boy on his way to school, but I have to keep yanking it back to gratitude. I can now sometimes meditate for a whole two minutes, but I’m slowly improving.

Being grateful for all the blessings you have is far superior to wallowing in the dismal swamp of self pity. Please give it a try in this wonderful Thanksgiving season.

DUCKS QUACK EAGLES SOAR

No one can make you serve customers well...that's because great service is a choice. Harvey Mackay, tells a wonderful story about a cab driver that proved this point.

He was waiting in line for a ride at the airport. When a cab pulled up, the first thing Harvey noticed was that the taxi was polished to a bright shine. Smartly dressed in a white shirt, black tie, and freshly pressed black slacks, the cab driver jumped out and rounded the car to open the back passenger door for Harvey.

He handed my friend a laminated card and said: 'I'm Wally, your driver. While I'm loading your bags in the trunk I'd like you to read my mission statement.'

Taken aback, Harvey read the card. It said: Wally's Mission Statement: To get my customers to their destination in the quickest, safest and cheapest way possible in a friendly environment....

This blew Harvey away. Especially when he noticed that the inside of the cab matched the outside. Spotlessly clean!

As he slid behind the wheel, Wally said, 'Would you like a cup of coffee? I have a thermos of regular and one of decaf.' My friend said jokingly, 'No, I'd prefer a soft drink.' Wally smiled and said, 'No problem. I have a cooler up front with regular and Diet Coke, water and orange juice.' Almost stuttering, Harvey said, 'I'll take a Diet Coke.'

Handing him his drink, Wally said, 'If you'd like something to read, I have The Wall Street Journal, Time, Sports Illustrated and USA Today.'

As they were pulling away, Wally handed my friend another laminated card, 'These are the stations I get and the music they play, if you'd like to listen to the radio.'

And as if that weren't enough, Wally told Harvey that he had the air conditioning on and asked if the temperature was comfortable for him. Then he advised Harvey of the best route to his destination for that time of day. He also let him know that he'd be happy to chat and tell him about some of the sights or, if Harvey preferred, to leave him with his own thoughts.

'Tell me, Wally,' my amazed friend asked the driver, 'have you always served customers like this?'

Wally smiled into the rear view mirror. 'No, not always. In fact, it's only been in the last two years. My first five years driving, I spent most of my time complaining like all the rest of the cabbies do. Then I heard the personal growth guru, Wayne Dyer, on the radio one day.

He had just written a book called You'll See It When You Believe It. Dyer said that if you get up in the morning expecting to have a bad day, you'll rarely disappoint yourself. He said, 'Stop complaining! Differentiate yourself from your competition. Don't be a duck. Be an eagle. Ducks quack and complain. Eagles soar above the crowd.'

'That hit me right between the eyes,' said Wally. 'Dyer was really talking about me. I was always quacking and complaining, so I decided to change my attitude and become an eagle. I looked around at the other cabs and their drivers. The cabs were dirty, the drivers were unfriendly, and the customers were unhappy. So I decided to make some changes. I put in a few at a time. When my customers responded well, I did more.'

'I take it that has paid off for you,' Harvey said.

'It sure has,' Wally replied. 'My first year as an eagle, I doubled my income from the previous year. This year I'll probably quadruple it. You were lucky to get me today. I don't sit at cabstands anymore. My customers call me for appointments on my cell phone or leave a message on my answering machine. If I can't pick them up myself, I get a reliable cabbie friend to do it and I take a piece of the action.'

Wally was phenomenal. He was running a limo service out of a Yellow Cab. I've probably told that story to more than fifty cab drivers over the years, and only two took the idea and ran with it. Whenever I go to their cities, I give them a call. The rest of the drivers quacked like ducks and told me all the reasons they couldn't do any of what I was suggesting.

Wally the Cab Driver made a different choice. He decided to stop quacking like ducks and start soaring like eagles.

How about us? Smile and the whole world smiles with you.The ball is in our hands! A man reaps what he sows. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up...let us do good to all people.

Ducks Quack, Eagles Soar.

Have a nice day, unless you already have other plans.

—Darlene Bossen, Menlo Park, CA

LITTLE KNOWN BASEBALL FACT

The first testicular guard (Cup) was used in baseball in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1934.

It took 60 years for men to realize that the brain is also important

—Patrick McVay, Elite Investments, Huntington Beach, CA

DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY

Absolutely the funniest joke ever......ON US !

Let it sink in. Quietly we go like sheep to slaughter.

Does anybody out there have any memory of the reason given for the establishment of the DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY … during the Carter Administration?

Anybody?

Anything?

No?

Didn't think so!

Bottom line ... we've spent several hundred billion dollars in support of an agency ... the reason for which not one person who reads this can remember.

Ready?

It was very simple ... and at the time everybody thought it very appropriate...The 'Department of Energy' was instituted on August 4, 1977 to lessen our dependence on foreign oil.

Hey, pretty efficient, huh?

And now it's 2009, 31 years later. And the budget for this necessary department is at $24.2 billion a year. It has 16,000 federal employees and approximately 100,000 contract employees

And look at the job it has done!

This is where you slap your forehead and say, “what was I thinking?”

Ah, yes, good ole bureaucracy.

And now we are going to turn the banking system, health care & the auto industry over to them?

God Help Us!

—Gordon Livingston, Livingston Realty, Huntington Beach, CA

RIDDLE OF THE DAY

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.

Michael J. Fox has a small one.

Madonna doesn't have one.

The Pope has one but doesn't use it.

Clinton uses his all the time.

Bush is one.

Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.

Liberace never used his on women.

Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.

Cher claims that she took on 3.

We never saw Lucy use Desi's.

What is it?

Answer below

*******************
The answer is: “A Last Name.” You didn't think I'd send you a dirty joke, did you?

—Allan B. Pintner, Brecksville, OH

TRADITIONS

Q: Why are many coin banks shaped like pigs?

A: Long ago, dishes and cookware in Europe were made of dense orange clay called 'pygg'. When people saved coins in jars made of this clay, the jars became known as 'pygg banks.' When an English potter misunderstood the word, he made a bank that resembled a pig. And it caught on.

Q: Did you ever wonder why dimes, quarters and half dollars have notches, while pennies and nickels do not?

A: The US Mint began putting notches on the edges of coins containing gold and silver to discourage holders from shaving off small quantities of the precious metals. Dimes, quarters and half dollars are notched because they used to contain silver. Pennies and nickels aren't notched because the metals they contain are not valuable enough to shave.

Q: Why do men's clothes have buttons on the right while women's clothes have buttons on the left?

A: When buttons were invented, they were very expensive and worn primarily by the rich. Because wealthy women were dressed by maids, dressmakers put the buttons on the maid's right. Since most people are right-handed, it is easier to push buttons on the right through holes on the left. And that's where women's buttons have remained since.

Q. Why do X's at the end of a letter signify kisses?

A: In the Middle Ages, when many people were unable to read or write, documents were often signed using an X. Kissing the X represented an oath to fulfill obligations specified in the document. The X and the kiss eventually became synonymous.

Q: Why is shifting responsibility to someone else called 'passing the buck'?

A: In card games, it was once customary to pass an item, called a buck, from player to player to indicate whose turn it was to deal. If a player did not wish to assume the responsibility, he would 'pass the buck' to the next player.

Q: Why do people clink their glasses before drinking a toast?

A: It used to be common for someone to try to kill an enemy by offering him a poisoned drink. To prove to a guest that a drink was safe, it became customary for a guest to pour a small amount of his drink into the glass of the host. Both men would drink it simultaneously. When a guest trusted his host, he would then just touch or clink the host's glass with his own.

Q: Why are people in the public eye said to be 'in the limelight'?

A: Invented in 1825, limelight was used in lighthouses and stage lighting by burning a cylinder of lime hich produced a brilliant light. In the theatre, performers on stage 'in the limelight' were seen by the audience to be the center of attention.

Q: Why do ships and aircraft in trouble use 'mayday' as their call for help?

A: This comes from the French word m'aidez -meaning 'help me'—and is pronounced 'mayday.'

Q: Why is someone who is feeling great 'on cloud nine'?

A: Types of clouds are numbered according to the altitudes they attain, with nine being the highest cloud. If someone is said to be on cloud nine, that person is floating well above worldly cares.

Q: Why are zero scores in tennis called 'love'?

A: In France, where tennis first became popular, a big, round zero on the scoreboard looked like an egg and was called 'l'oeuf,' which is French for 'egg.' When tennis was introduced in the US , Americans pronounced it 'love.'

Q: In golf, where did the term 'Caddie' come from?

A. When Mary, later Queen of Scots, went to France as a young girl (for education & survival), Louis, King of France, learned that she loved the Scot game 'golf.' So he had the first golf course outside of Scotland built for her enjoyment. To make sure she was properly chaperoned (and guarded) while she played, Louis hired cadets from a military school to accompany her. Mary liked this a lot and when she returned to Scotland (not a very good idea in the long run), she took the practice with her. In French, the word cadet is pronounced 'ca-day' and the Scots changed it into 'caddie.'

—Larry Allen, Allen’s Portrait Arts, Campbell, CA

STIMULUS

Sometime this year, we taxpayers may again receive an Economic Stimulus payment. This is a very exciting new program. I will explain it using the Q and A format:

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus payment?

A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?

A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?

A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?

A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?

A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

* If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China.

* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.

* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India.

* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala.

* If you buy a car, it will go to Japan.

* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.

* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in America by:

1. spending it at yard sales, or

2. going to ball games, or

3. spending it on prostitutes, or

4. beer or,

5. tattoos.

(These are the only American businesses still operating in the US.)

I'm going to go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that I met at a yard sale and we're going to drink beer all day!

In God We Trust

—Leo Parrish, Highland, MI

SON OF NO BULL SELLING

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It’s cleverly divided into two parts:

I. GETTING SOMEBODY TO SELL TO

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That struck me as eminently logical, as it’s difficult to sell things to people unless you have people to sell to. Well, you get the idea.

Wherever you find yourself in your selling career, NO BULL SELLING is for you..

If you’re a green pea, it gives you step by step instructions on how to conduct your new career on a daily basis.

If you’re a grizzled veteran of the sales wars, it will remind you of the things you used to do that used to work and can help you put the fun back in your selling game.

Whoever you are, you’ll enjoy the real-world examples and laugh out loud at the situations your poor, simple author gets himself in to.

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NO BULL SHOTS

“The most important things to listen to are generally the things we don't want to hear.”
—Dr. Mardy Grothe

“Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities.”
—Voltaire

“As an American I am not so shocked that Obama was given the Nobel Peace Prize without any accomplishments to his name, but that America gave him the White House based on the same credentials.”
—Newt Gingrich

“If you can measure your success by the number of people you stepped on making it to where you are, watch out for big feet.”
—Ed Craig

“Never go cheap on your bed or your shoes. You will be in one or the other your entire life.”
—David Schaner

“If you owe the bank a little money, you have a problem; if you owe the bank a lot of money, they have a problem.”
—Russ Walden

“Never bear more than one trouble at a time. Some people bear three kinds—all they have had, all they have now, and all they expect to have.”
—Edward Everett Hale

“My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.”
—Orson Welles

“Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body.”
—Joseph Addison

“The use of reading is to aid us in thinking.”
—Edward Gibbon

“The mere brute pleasure of reading—the sort of pleasure a cow must have in grazing.”
—G. K. Chesterton

“The more you read about politics you got to admit that each party is worse than the other.
—Will Rogers

“Take care to get what you like or you will be forced to like what you get.
—George Bernard Shaw

“Really big people are, above everything else, courteous, considerate and generous - not just to some people in some circumstances - but to everyone all the time.”
—Thomas J. Watson

“Men are not punished for their sins, but by them.”
—Elbert Hubbard

“In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a congress.”
—John Adams

“The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.”
—Ludwig Wittgenstein

“The ladder of success doesn't care who climbs it.”
—Frank Tyger

“Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?”
—Steven Wright